Frequently Asked Questions

1. What inspired you to write this relationship self-help book, Project Intimacy?

“My parents divorced when I was two years old. Growing up, I always wondered why so many couples failed or felt like something important was missing from their relationships. I remember I’d ask, ‘Mum, if two people love each other why don’t they stay together?’ Her answer was something like, ‘Sometimes life just doesn’t work out that way, it’s complicated.’ I also didn’t understand why people would stay together if they just weren’t happy. From that early age on, I cared about finding a way to help people stay happy together. To me, relationships are the most important things in our lives.”

2. What are your credentials?

“I earned my Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, Master of Science in Criminal Justice, and an Education Specialist Degree in School Counseling. My entire life I’ve always been interested in how relationships work, specifically what gives people the best chance at happiness. Growing up, I was the guy people felt comfortable sharing their relationship problems with. This gave me valuable insight into what issues were most common, their root causes, and what solutions seemed to work.”

3. Is Project Intimacy mainly for people having problems in their relationships?

“No, not at all. I can honestly say, anyone who reads Project Intimacy will be holding the blueprints to love. If someone’s single or in a relationship that’s going strong, they’d still want to hear about this. For example, if you looked down on a table and saw the Blueprints to Love, wouldn’t you want to look inside regardless of your situation? If you really thought the answers might be in there, I think you’d look. Project Intimacy is for anyone who wants to know what they need to do to experience true love.”

4. Why should someone buy your book over all the others? What sets yours apart?

“Project Intimacy reveals a never-before-seen technique that shows you, step by step, how to create the deepest intimacy possible between two people. You won’t find it anywhere else. Now, a couple’s success can be dependent on their willingness to succeed taking chance out of the equation. I assure you this technique hasn’t been seen before! The only place it exists is in my book. The problem I find with other relationship self-help books is they offer band-aid solutions. For example, if someone keeps touching a hot stove, instead of retreating the burn, doesn’t it make sense to treat the reason they keep touching the stove? Project Intimacy doesn’t deal with symptoms, it travels past them to the cause. That’s where true change takes place and is possible.”

5. Can Project Intimacy help anyone with any issue? Can they get quick results?

“Yes. Project Intimacy relies almost entirely on a person’s will to succeed. Since we all possess will it applies to all of us. It also has the potential to solve any issues you may be having. As to a timeline for results, it’s truly up to the individual. Once a person’s equipped with this knowledge, it depends on how fast or slow they choose to apply it. If you had a motivated couple, they could see results in just hours.”

6. Why do you think so many couples fail, or feel like something important is missing from their relationships?

“I think it’s mainly because no one ever taught us how to create and sustain an intimate relationship. No one ever showed us how to truly connect with a partner. Without this essential connection, people feel unloved and not valued. If this disconnect continues, the relationship slowly dies. If they choose to stay together, they’re both very aware of what’s missing. However, when you have a true connection you do feel loved and valued. That’s what Project Intimacy is all about, showing people how to create this healthy essential connection.”

7. Do you recommend people read your book before seeing a counselor?

“Yes! If they’re not in a dangerous situation, they should try this first! Look at all the benefits it can offer. It’s new, so they’ll have never tried this before. The cost savings is obvious and they could potentially get answers in hours, not months. And, if after trying this a couple still wanted to get help, how great would it be to go in prepared. They could say, here’s what we want to achieve, and here’s where we’re running into problems can you help us? If I was their counselor I’d love that scenario. I’d immediately know what their goals were and what obstacles were getting in their way. Sessions could be specifically tailored to solving those issues. When clients genuinely feel you’re both on the same page, they’re more engaged, hopeful, and the odds of success significantly increase.”

8. One of the 4 Promises is to never to tell a lie when you’re in the CORE. How can someone really make this promise and keep it?

“Keeping your word to your partner is always a choice. In your everyday life, you can both do what you like. However, when you’re in your CORE, your 1st Promise to one another is that you won’t tell a lie. Knowing you can always trust one another in here is essential. Whenever you’re contemplating lying, stop, and think. The reason most people lie is to protect themselves from perceived negative feelings. Remember, facing these fears with one another as a team is precisely what creates the truest intimacy between you. Your willingness to share your vulnerabilities with one another is the fuel for intimacy. Don’t sabotage your happiness trying to sidestep fear. It comes down to this, that’s the price of admission if you want to experience the deepest love possible. There’s no sneaking in.”

9. What if my partner uses the CORE to get information from me like an interrogation because I promised never to lie while in our CORE?

“The spirit of the CORE is total honesty. This is what creates the strongest trust possible and produces true emotional intimacy. If you feel they are using the CORE to get information from you so they can use it against you, then share that concern. Express how you’re feeling to them, explain that it feels like you’re being pressured to answer a question for the wrong reason, then watch their behavior. Do they respond like they care or get defensive and argue? If you feel your partner is using the CORE as a tool to manipulate you, then you need to discuss it. It could also indicate there’s already a deeper trust issue and this could be your opportunity to get to the truth.”

10. Do I need to tell my partner everything about my past to achieve emotional intimacy?

“No. The only reason you’d need to tell your partner anything that happened in the past is if it could potentially cause a threat to your relationship now. If there’s something you would like to keep to yourself for whatever reason, that is your choice. However, if you know it is causing something negative in your relationship, then you need to be honest and keep your 4th Promise and discuss it.”

11. Can I create my own CORE and Promises, or do I have to follow yours to have success?

“Yes, you can create your own unique CORE  together. What could make your CORE unique from all others might be what you choose to name it, and the Promises you might want to include. We all value different things and although I see my model as the ideal, you both may value different things. In the end, it’s whatever brings you closer together and happy!”

12. Having the CORE sounds great, but there’s no way my partner is ever going to do it.

“Until you try something, you don’t know for sure how it’ll turn out. What do you have to lose? Let’s say you said to your partner, “Hey, I want to talk to you about something that really means a lot to me.” If their response was anything other than a caring one, then you’ve got a decision to make. It may not be easy, but what it truly comes down to is how you’re willing to be treated by your partner. My mother told me something important when I was very young. She said, “Patrick, people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you in this life”.

We ALWAYS have a choice ; )

The Relationship You Want Is Possible!

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